Jabba the Hutt

"Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage." That was the cry last night as Jabba the Hutt made one of his rare public appearances. Since being strangled to death by a scantily clad Carrie Fisher in '83, Jabba has tried to keep a low profile.

Quoting gems like, "This bounty hunter is my kind of scum: fearless and inventive", Jabba thrilled the crowds with thoughts of a simpler time...when creatures were rubber, mechanical and had a guy's hand up their ass. When movies were shot on actual sets and didn't look like a game for the PS3. When an actor's wooden performance was part of the fun conceit, and not because they literally have one single monotone delivery. Yeah, I'm looking at you "Mannequin Skywalker". Dammit, Topher Grace would have kicked ass!!! Oh...heh...hrmm.

As seen in the photo, Jabba has put on some weight since he was last seen.

UPDATE: Okay, so that wasn't Jabba the Hutt. Sure looked like him, and frankly this guy deserves the same end. Can't SOMEBODY throw a chain around the fat f#@ks neck and pull. I mean it's not enough he's a propagandist on a level to make Leni Riefenstahl jealous (damn, Triumph of the Will was good work), but Hollywood fawns over him like his sweat has healing properties. You know, there are many many better directors making fictional movies just like him who don't get near the acclaim. The bright spot is that he's just one In and Out Burger from spending time with Uncle Adolf.