Monday, March 9, 2009

New Releases 3/10


This is the blind leading the blind edition of new releases since I haven't seen probably more than one of these. Considering I'll watch just about anything, that should tell you plenty about these selections.

Role Models
Watched the trailer and it seemed humorous, but not enough to get me off the couch and plop down $8 in the theater. Sure as hell ain't going to drop a $20 to own this. I'm sure it will be on Showtime or HBO or one of the other premium channels I get with my FREE satellite. Yes, it's FREE. Didn't pay for the HD-DVR receiver, didn't pay for installation, bought the dish at a SERIOUS discount and don't pay a monthly fee. Suck on that bitches!

Pinocchio
I honestly have not seen this little wooden bastard's movie all the way through. Yeah, the cricket is cool and all and obvious got his own agent because he went on to a whole lot more Disney work while wood boy hit early retirement. And don't give me any of that crap about him being in the Shrek movies. He's like the new Daren on Bewitched. I know he's supposed to be the same guy and I can't suspend disbelief that far. Buy this special anniversary disc before Disney pulls it from the market so they can milk it for a future release.

Howard the Duck
Damn. Just...damn. Having a familiarity to the source material for this movie, it pained me to my soul when George Lucas took a hot steaming dump on the cigar chewing misogynist Marvel Comics had crafted over the years. I've seen comic adaptions that were said to be nothing like the book, but this took that and lifted to an artform. The only similarity is the fact that the main character is in fact a duck and his name is Howard. Putrid. Rent it to see the epic fail of a brilliant man (in this case producer George Lucas) .

Transporter 3
Jason Statham could almost do no wrong with me. He may never do another film to match Snatch and that is just fine with me. I've seen the first two installments and they were the mindnumbing action I sometimes find myself craving. A movie doesn't always have to have a message, make you cry or take you on some trip. Sometimes it's fun to watch some mindless violence where shit blows up and bastards get their nads handed to them (see Shoot'em Up). Rent it and then have rough sex with that special someone.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
The makers of this film were hoping that tugging at the heartstrings of the Academy with yet another holocaust story would pay off big. Instead the Academy said, "Fuck the Holocaust. Get over yourself" and went with a Who Wants To Be A Millionaire fantasy and Sean Penn finally coming out of the closet. Rent it and if you like it buy it...I haven't a clue.

Milk
What can I say? I'll let the late Roger Ebert say it for me, "This is the sort of rare epic film that spans the decades, that uses the proverbial cast of thousands, and yet follows a human thread from beginning to end." Of course he was talking about
Gandhi and that has nothing to do with Milk. I hate Sean Penn, so my opinion of anything he does is biased. The fact that he stood there holding an Academy Award while Mickey Rourke sat in the audience is a a travesty. Rent it if you are interested...I'm not.

Cadillac Records
Adrian Brody and Beyonce Knowles...how can you go wrong? Well, name your movie Cadillac Records and yet have it resemble the story of Cadillac Record only in passing. I heard NOTHING good about this. Ask Netflix to pay YOU to watch it.

The Complete Cracker
Unless you get BBC America you probably have no clue what the hell this is. Robbie Coltrane is known here in the states mainly for his portrayal of Hagrid in the Harry Potter films. In Britain he is a brilliant comedic and dramatic actor. Here is a collection of the Cracker episodes put together as movies. In these he portrays a morally vague and mentally sharp criminal psychologist named Edward Fitzgerald...a very non-Hagrid part. I recommend this highly. Probably expensive to own, so try to track down a rental method.

What the hell?

Yeah...it's been a year since I posted. My concept for this blog has been sidetracked by a lack of time and a lack of photos I could use legally without paying for them. Big problem there. Every time I have thought of a new angle to do this from something else has come up, and to be honest, there are folks doing this far better than me. So, as I said, what the hell? Still have ideas I'd like to try and since there can't be more than 3 people ever checking this blog out, I feel fairly comfortable doing whatever I want. To that end, this is probably going to end up all over the place subject-wise until I find a groove. But...what the hell...