Ashton Spends Quality Time With His Mom

Ashton Kutchner is seen here at the GM Fashionapolosa Extravaganza...oh whatever. It's nice to see that no matter how big Ashton gets, he's always got time to spend with his mom. He could have some fine model or actress with him, instead he chooses to take his mom to this big function. What a nice boy. And I didn't even know General Motors made clothes. I thought they spent all their time trying to make cars as good as the Japanese.

UPDATE
Ace reporter Clare Basset informs me that that is actually Demi Moore. My mistake. Man, Demi Moore was once so hot they named canned foods after her. What happened?

UPDATE PART DEUX - The Revenge
Clare Basset has once again stepped in to inform me that the canned stews, etc. were called Dennis Moore...named after the Highwayman from Monty Python fame. He stole lupins and rode across the sward. There was a quite a catchy little tune...Dennis Moore..Dennis Moore..riding 'cross the sward. Dennis Moore...Dennis Moore...dum dum dum duh dum....

UPDATE PART the THIRD - The Final Conflict
I have been told by a good authority who DOES NOT eat her own feces that the canned foods were made by Denti Moore. I apologize for the confusion.

Trio Sacrifices For Success

The Dixie Chicks are seen here celebrating their muliple Grammy wins. In a stunning turn of events, the Grammy's chose to honor them, despite their many setbacks due to desparaging remarks they made regarding the President. It is hard to imagine that the music industry and Hollywood as a whole would possibly reward anyone insulting the Commander-In-Chief. Okay...I can't keep it up. The Grammy's would be handing out Lifetime Achievement Awards to these witches if they could. If they'd stepped on stage, lit the American flag on fire, squated and then pissed the fire out I think Hollywood would've exploded in one huge joint orgasmic explosion. Let's face it, they sacrificed small woodland creatures and probably a human or two to be this successful, because there isn't anyone buying their damn records anymore. A recording of Stephen Hawking's electronic voice reading a phonebook while fingernails scratch a chalkboard would sell more records than the Dixie Chicks. Didn't see these gals picking up any People's Choice Awards, did you? Nope. Didn't think so.

The Corpse Takes a New Victim

"The Corpse" escaped from its maximum security holding cell and aparently released Guy Ritchie as well. Guy Ritchie's talent still remains securely hidden away. Seen here, "the Corpse" is out and about with her family, little Lourdes, Guy, and the child she stole in Africa. That's the dark continent, you know. Missing of course, is her son Rocco who was consumed by "the Corpse" just prior to this photo to maintain her semblance of youth.

Hot Links

Dick In A Box - SNL short. I might not dig Justin Timberlake's music, but the guy is consistantly excellent on SNL.

Band Settles with Apple

Obscure English pop group "the Beatles" has recently settled with Apple, maker of billions of iPods and the coolest computers around, in their copyright infringment suit over the Apple name and mark. It seems these fellows have a company called Apple and use an apple for their logo. Real original guys. Didn't happen to get the ideas off the computer your music was mixed on or the iPod the cool cats who listen to your jive listen to? Apple is doing these guys a favor by giving them not only money, but bringing them some much needed public exposure. Let's face it, with a name like that, they can't go far. And those haircuts? So totally Perry Como. If I was one of these guys, I'd take that money and invest it in...I don't know...Apple stock, and hang up the instruments. Music certainly isn't in their future.

One of These Things Is Not Like the Others

Can you see what is wrong with this picture? How much longer is society going to let this go on? I know...I know...I should be a better person and overlook these things. Society has progressed in the last few decades and I guess I've been left behind. Just because everyone else says it's okay doesn't make it okay. This is simply wrong and a complete afront to God. Yeah, I said it. An affront to God. There's 3 healthy children and a walking corpse in that picture. It is a travisity I tell you.

Paula's Handful

Tito...Jermaine...no....Jesse...uh uh...Action...no, not that either...Randy(?) Jackson is getting the thrill of a lifetime as Paula Abdul candidly gropes his grapes. Paula's been catching a bad rap for being a little "too too much" in public lately. Sure she's been goofy, but I don't care. She's still hot and she's got the whole 'opposites attract' thing...she's tiny and I'm big...I think she and I could work something out. She was a Laker girl for Heaven's sakes? Not only that, but she danced with a cat once! And not one of the lameass gay cats from...well, "Cats". Have you ever seen that miserable excuse for a musical? Oh what I would do to throw the whole lot of them in a canvas sack and toss them in a river.