"The Corpse" made an appearance today on the set of her new movie, "Shawn of the Dead: Dead and Spankin' It". In what may be the part she was born to play, "The Corpse" has been cast as one of the shambling dead that Shawn and his whimsical friends will bolt from one pub to another whacking heads off in the working class east end. Hilarity is scheduled to make an appearance...perhaps as early as the opening credits. Once her scenes for the day were shot, "the Corpse" was tranquilized and locked back up in the same dark hole she has hidden away Guy Ritchie's talent.
Monday, December 18, 2006
The Walking Dead
"The Corpse" made an appearance today on the set of her new movie, "Shawn of the Dead: Dead and Spankin' It". In what may be the part she was born to play, "The Corpse" has been cast as one of the shambling dead that Shawn and his whimsical friends will bolt from one pub to another whacking heads off in the working class east end. Hilarity is scheduled to make an appearance...perhaps as early as the opening credits. Once her scenes for the day were shot, "the Corpse" was tranquilized and locked back up in the same dark hole she has hidden away Guy Ritchie's talent.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Meshach Taylor Is Dating Beyonce'
In a development that is shaking the entertainment world, it seems former Designing Women star Meshach Taylor is now dating Beyonce' Knowles. Reverberations are being felt all throughout my home office as word has quickly spread from my stuffed Buddy Bear to Clare the most perfect Basset Hound in the world. Isn't he too old for her? And I thought he was gay? Or was that just the character he played in Mannequin? That performance was quite convincing, and I think he was totally nominated for an Emmy or something.UPDATED
Clare Basset has just now informed me that the man in the photo and dating Beyonce' is former Diff'rent Strokes actor Todd Bridges. I apologize for the confusion.
UPDATED AGAIN
Clare Basset now says that the last update was a ruse to get back at me for not sharing more roasted chicken earlier. Having now humiliated me, she informs me the man in the photo is long time boyfriend Jay-Z.
They Bored Even Themselves
The couple with about as much heat as the icicle that bottomed Titanic has stunned an anxious public by officially calling it quits. According to E!Online, "Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn split up after more than a year of are-they-or-aren't-they dating. Their reps said the pair have 'mutually agreed to end their relationship but continue to be good friends today.'"Look at this photo and tell me if they were good friends when this was taken. There are people I'd like to dip in a tub of scorpions, pour hot sauce on and then light on fire that I'd be more warm to. Jennifer is thinking, "Jolie gets Brad and traipses romantically around the world saving pandas and assorted other cuddly creatures, and I get mezzanine seats at an Angels game with the out of shape gym owner from Dodgeball." Vince is thinking, "I can bag every cheerleader on the field...and probably their mothers too if they are totally money."
Double, Double Toil and Trouble
The Powers of Three are alive and well and collecting Grammy's or whatever plastic statues are being handed out by backslapping industry types right now. While conjuring the lightning behind them, the Dixie Cups..er...Dixie Hicks...um...Dixie Chicks solemnly thanked their lord and master Beelzebubba for fogging the minds of the voters like the Shadow used to do in the old radio programs. You ever listen to those? Awsome stuff. You know Orson Wells did the voice once or twice. Alec Baldwin sucked in that movie, but Sam Raimi is producing a new one which will kick so much patootie. Anyway, moments after this photo was taken, the exit doors slammed shut and the firehoses began to fly around the room.
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